the influence of friends

When I was a teenager I hung around with a guy who got drunk, stole anything and everything, and cursed up a storm. Not exactly a good role model.

But then, if I’m honest I wasn’t much better. My friend may have been a bad influence on me, but I wasn’t exactly a good role model for him either.

Does it matter who we hang around with? According to the Bible, that’s a big “Yes!” But why not see for yourself? Lots of verses follow with summaries in bold.

We become wise if we’re around the wise, but suffer harm if we hang out with fools.

Prov 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

It’s probably wisest if our closest friends are followers of the one true God.

Ps 119:63 I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.

We should be careful not to become too close to those who are not Christians—we have nothing in common.   

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

We should steer clear of people who encourage us to sin.

Prov 1:11 If they say, "Come along with us; let's lie in wait for someone's blood, let's waylay some harmless soul; 12 let's swallow them alive, like the grave,and whole, like those who go down to the pit; 13 we will get all sorts of valuable things  and fill our houses with plunder; 14 throw in your lot with us,and we will share a common purse"-- 15 my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; 16 for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood.

If we hang out with people who do wrong, it will corrupt us.

1 Cor 15:33 Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

If we’re not careful, we will share in the sins of others—God calls us to separate ourselves from sinful influences.

Rev 18:4 Then I heard another voice from heaven say: "Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; 5 for her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.

People can influence us in very negative ways—we’re told to avoid those negative influences and their paths.

Prov 4:114 Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. 16 For they cannot sleep till they do evil;they are robbed of slumber till they make someone fall. 17 They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

Lot lived among sinners and it almost cost him his life.

Gen 13:12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom. 13 Now the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the LORD.

Gen 19:15 With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished."

Solomon’s son foolishly rejected the advice of experienced, godly men and instead listened to his buddies who hung out with him—his decision cost him the loyalty of the people.

1 Kings 12:8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him.

1 Kings 12:16 When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king: "What share do we have in David, what part in Jesse's son? To your tents, O Israel! Look after your own house, O David!" So the Israelites went home.

The early church did everything together and they were devoted and committed to the same things.

Acts 2:42 They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common.

It’s extremely important to meet and fellowship regularly with other Christians.

Heb 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Does it matter who we hang out with? Yes!

So...what kind of people are you hanging out with?

worth fighting for

I had to right a wrong today on my part, so I called someone and asked a very pertinent question: “Do you still care for so and so?

"Yes.”

Then I asked a follow-up question: “And does so and so still care for you?”

"Yes.”

Then I stopped asking questions and said this: “Then I suggest you fight to keep the relationship going—it’s too valuable to give up on it.”

Why did I do that? Because my previous advice had danced around the topic of whether there were still any feelings for the other person. As a result, the dissolution of their relationship (not a marriage) seemed to be a foregone conclusion and we focused primarily on how to move on.

Today, however, I’ve done a 180. Relationships are too valuable to give up on them. If we care about someone else—I mean, really care—then we have to keep trying to maintain it.

We have to.

Am I naïve? Maybe. But life’s too short to just walk away from someone you care about without giving the thing one last try.

Are there problems and challenges in the situation above? Yes. Are they insurmountable? Maybe. But I believe they need to keep trying, at least one more time. So I made the call and cleared my conscience.

In fact, I feel so strongly about this I truly wish we were in the same room right now so you could see and hear the urgency in my face and voice. As it is, I’ll have to shout it from the rooftops.

Do you care for someone? Really care for someone? Then why in the world would you want to give that up? Why in the world would you not do everything in your power to keep it going?

Will your efforts succeed? Maybe. Maybe not. But at least you tried. At least you tried to salvage one of life’s most precious gifts: A special bond between two people.

Trust me, that kind of bond doesn’t come along very often. At least it doesn't for me.

So, how does all of this apply to you? Frankly, there may be no application for you whatsoever. But hey, I just couldn’t wait to share this new insight with someone, one that's changed how I look at things.

That said, I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing before I got on my soapbox. Besides, I’ve got some more phone calls to make—have to ask some people a few questions…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”1

1  1 Corinthians 13:4

keeping in touch

I recently came across some old photos of me and my co-workers from the business world and it’s brought back a flood of good memories.

Remembering my past lives as media relations boy, speech-writer boy, competitive intelligence boy and international marketing boy has been fun. While each job had its share of stress and frustrations, my brain has been mercifully selective, choosing to focus on the positive.

But the best memories of all come from remembering the people themselves, my co-workers.

There’s my old boss, who was a good friend, somebody I could confide in and who looked out for my best interests. Then there’s my old buddy who became a friend because we were both being abused for our faith in Christ.   

I miss my old co-workers. Not all of them, of course, because there were some stinkers, but many of them.

That said, I haven’t kept in touch with any of them. None. I searched on Facebook for a couple recently to no avail, but am going to keep trying.

Why I do mention this? Because friendships are a gift from God. (I don’t have a Bible verse to back that up, but believe it to be true.) Because of that, we should do everything in our power to maintain those friendships, even over time and distance.

It’s a cliché, but life’s too short to pass up or abandon relationships with people who give us joy and much-needed companionship.

So who do you need to look up after all these years? A childhood friend? A co-worker from many years ago? Someone you played sports with? A fraternity brother or sorority sister?

I encourage you to do it now, while you’re thinking about it. Sure, you might have nothing in common anymore and it might fizzle out a second time. But considering how valuable the relationship once was, isn’t it worth a shot?

So get busy. Google the person. Search for him or her on Facebook and LinkedIn. Do whatever it takes.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man (or woman) who falls and has no one to help him up!”1

Friendships—even those of long ago—are too precious to let fall by the wayside. Keep in touch and stay in touch.   

1  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

doing life together

I just realized something yesterday. I mean really realized it.

I love the people at my church.

Oh, I’ve felt that right from the beginning and it’s grown over time, but it washed over me like a tidal wave yesterday. Despite being totally exhausted last night, I was smiling like a toddler on Christmas Day the whole car ride home.

They’re not just people in the pews and not just members of the congregation, they’re friends. More than that, they’re family. I like them, love them and enjoy being around them. And I’m so blessed that they seem to feel the same way about me.

I can’t help thinking about something the Apostle Paul wrote to a group of believers he used to pastor:

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”1

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at this revelation—I had actually learned something similar many years earlier. Prior to going into full-time ministry I had a part-time ministry in the St. Louis area. After a couple of years of preaching and pastoring, I was burned out. Working full-time in the business world and preaching regularly on the weekends was just too much, so I resigned.

The first couple of weeks were wonderful, as I enjoyed my new-found downtime. But that changed dramatically as the weeks went by. I was totally unprepared for how much I missed everyone. My heart ached so bad I returned a few months later. I loved them, worried about them and wanted to be with them again.

What about you? Are you an active member of a local group of believers? If not, I encourage you to find a Bible-believing church and worship and socialize with them as much as you can.

My hunch is you’ll find a pastor who loves his people as much as I love the people here.

So would you like to feel loved and appreciated? Would you like to be among like-minded people? Then find a church and get involved.

The truth is, we pastors need you as much as you need us.

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

1  1 Thessalonians 2:8