grace

I’m concerned about something, but I’m certainly not worried about it. After all, the Bible calls worrying sin.

Because I’m a pastor, and because I know it’s wrong, I try fooling myself and others by calling it by a different name: concern. The truth is, though, it is what it is. I’m worried. And if worrying is sin—and it is—then I’m sinning. As in right now.

I’ve prayed about the problem, and I know intellectually I can’t do anything to change the situation, but my stomach is all knotted up and I can’t stop thinking about it. So how do I turn off the brain? How do I turn off the worry?

This may come as a shock to you, but I’m not sure it’s always as simple as just turning my mind off. I mean, it’s not like there’s a switch or something. Sometimes I can pull it off, but if I’m all worked up, no matter how much I want to will it away worry can still haunt me like a ghost.

Can anybody identify?

It’s times like these that I feel utterly helpless, as if I’m not spiritual enough or mature enough. Aren’t I supposed to set the right example? As preacher boy, aren’t I supposed to be “Mr. Has-it-all-together?”

Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m so flawed sometimes if you follow my example I might lead you off a cliff.  

The only thing left to do is throw myself at the mercy of the court. If the grace of God doesn’t cover me, then I’m in big trouble. If the Lord isn’t patient, merciful and forgiving, then I don’t stand a chance.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.”1

Despite being a sinner—even as a I write this sentence—I believe the grace of God covers me and I’m forgiven despite my tendency to worry. And why? Because I have faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I have full confidence in His sacrifice on the cross. And I believe the Bible when it says I’m forgiven, despite my being the king of sinners.

That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do everything in my power—and in the Spirit’s power—to eliminate worry from my life, but when I fall into sin God’s grace covers me.

That realization awes me. What does a holy, sinless and perfect God see in puny and sin-laden me? Why oh why does He forgive me? Why does He put up with me?

Why He loves me is beyond me. But I treasure it like nothing else. I treasure my heavenly Father who puts up with me. And I treasure my Savior who died for me.

“To you, O LORD, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: ‘What gain is there in my destruction, In my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help.’ You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.”2

1  Ephesians 2:8-10

2  Psalm 30:8-12